riddle me this atheists: if god isn’t real then who is inside the kleenex box pushing up the next tissue
I remember when I was a fetus I used to sneak out at night while my mother was sleeping
you know you’re getting old when you watch the little mermaid and when ariel says “i’m 16 years old. i’m not a child anymore.” and you’re just sat there like yes you fucking are young lady stop it
The day you start agreeing with the parents in kids movies is the day it’s all over.
nothings worse than passing up an opportunity you know you would’ve enjoyed because of the fear of being judged
talk dirty to me
lava really pisses me off cuz like
i know it could melt my face off but then i see a picture like this and
i want to dip my hands in it
I’m gonna fuck it
please don’t fuck the lava
do you ever start a multiple choice question and just when you think you have the answer you see “all the above” or “none of the above” opinion and you start you question your entire life?
my friend’s dog was sick and couldn’t get up so they were gonna put him down and as his final supper they got him a big mac and when the dog smelled it he shot up and ate it in one bite and lived for three more years